WASHINGTON, D.C. — GOP Presidential Candidates Ted (“Teddy”) Cruz and John (“Johnny”) Kasich have announced that they will put aside their differences in order to travel back in time and st…
Authorities deem mother unfit for letting her children live in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG — Further to an upward trend of activity by Child Protective Services (CPS), the CPS launched an investigation into the conduct of a mother of two who has been allowing her childr…
Adorable despot turns 92
LONDON — Nestled comfortably in one of several fortified castles that she calls home, the Head of State of 18 nations and direct descendant of the iron-fisted Tudors noted that she was look…
9 majestic Canadian Parks ruined by lack of wifi
As beautiful and inspiring as these Canadian destinations are, they still don’t have access to wifi, which ruins the entire experience. G’waii Haanas National Park flickr.com / Sam Beebe Located …
Guy taking up three seats on train must be really important
TORONTO – This afternoon an unnamed man on the TTC left other commuters in awe, as they wondered how important he must be to need a full three seats on the train. “Maybe he’s so…
Former teacher Justin Trudeau offers to chaperone state dinner
OTTAWA- Following reports of rowdiness and alcohol consumption at last year’s event, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has volunteered to chaperone the White House State Dinner. “Listen, I k…
Controversy: PM snubs Vancouver Island Marmots in favour of panda cubs
TORONTO — Members of the media and the opposition criticized Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Monday for snubbing a pair of endangered Vancouver Island marmots in favour of a photo opportun…
Terrified record producer forced to work with woman he raped
LOS ANGELES – Lucasz “Dr. Luke” Gottwald, has been living a nightmare since courts denied singer Kesha Sebert’s request to work with a producer who didn’t drug and rape her. “Things were already …
Local man on fat bike enjoys the slower-than-walking commute to work
WHITEHORSE — Despite the snail-pace daily commute to his workplace, local arctic bike enthusiast Greg Armitage insists he will continue biking through heavy snow, wind and ice even if it is…
Israel pulls back West Bank settlements after McGill student union BDS vote
TEL AVIV — After hearing about McGill’s student society’s vote to support the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions Movement against Israel, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has ordere…
