BUFFALO, NY – Auston Matthews, the Toronto Maple Leaf’s number one draft pick for the 2016 draft, has been injured while putting on his first personalized Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. “He’s …
Beyoncé Declines Hillary Clinton’s Offer to Be Running Mate
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Beyoncé Knowles, known by her approximately 6 billion fans worldwide as Queen Bey, has reportedly declined Hillary Clinton’s offer to be her running mate. “It was sweet o…
Gender neutral O Canada embraced by Tories from 2078
NEW OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has made a bold step for gender neutrality by finally accepting the omission of “thy sons” from our national anthem, nearly seven decades from today. “Even aft…
Marriage with Jeff barely satisfies local woman’s need to not die alone
GRIMSBY, ON – A marriage with 46-year old accountant Jeff Sturges barely satisfies local woman Marissa Sturges’ most rudimentary need for human interaction. “He’s technically there, which i…
Nation’s cats celebrate being able to shit in people’s gardens again
CANADA – With the larger part of Canada now experiencing prolonged periods of warmth, cats nationwide are once again reveling in their ability to defecate in the newly-planted gardens of Ca…
Bison named US national mammal, narrowly beating out Texas-style BBQ bison
CHARLOTTE, NC – The bison, with its majestic dignity and great historical significance, was chosen as America’s national mammal last Friday, beating out a close runner-up and popular favour…
Parliament approves giant spin wheel voting system to make democracy more exciting
OTTAWA — Avoiding the inevitable partisan conflicts on electoral reform, all parties have unanimously agreed to change the first-past-the-post voting system to random selection based on a g…
Artist living the dream writing art grant proposals
Burlington, ON — Recent Concordia University graduate in visual arts Kerri Breckett is pursuing her creative passion by writing daily art grant proposals to sustain a small, not-for-profit …
Visionary filmmakers dare to ask: What if Spider-Man again?
LOS ANGELES — In a move sure to keep film theorists talking for decades to come, visionary filmmakers Joe and Anthony Russo have turned the world of cinema on its ear by confronting one of …
The only thing hindering my success was my complete inability to succeed
By Pierre Karl Péladeau, former Leader of the Parti Québécois As many of you have heard, I recently stepped down as the leader of the Parti Quebecois after less than a year in office. Although ma…
