OTTAWA – A gender-balanced cabinet is now requiring a woman to work two jobs after a male employee left his post for higher pursuits. Chrystia Freeland, the Deputy Prime Minister, has been …
Morneau claims he forgot to resign two years ago
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Bill Morneau has resigned after remembering that he was asked to do so some two years ago. Morneau made a brief statement to the press after 26 months spent in a m…
CFL cancels season after potential exposure to Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – CFL Commissioner Randy Ambrosie announced that there will be no 2020 Canadian Football Season stating that the risk is too high for players being exposed to Winnipeg. “The safety…
Putin assures world COVID-19 vaccine has been rigorously tested on political opponents
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced the successful development of the world’s first COVID-19 vaccine, which was rigorously tested on his political opponents and journali…
Citing a culture of fear, anti-maskers remove stop signs
TORONTO – Members of an anti-mask group have taken down an intersection’s stop signs to remove what they call a culture of fear towards oncoming traffic. For years, the red octagons have te…
Ontario government announces plan to blame the feds if school reopening plan goes wrong
TORONTO – The Ontario government announced its new plan to blame the federal government in the event that their plan to reopen schools during a pandemic backfires. “Parents will know that i…
Police in Niagara-on-the-Lake investigate drive-by hooting
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON – Upper-middle class residents of a picturesque town are on edge after reports of a drive-by hooting that police say exceeded 75 dB. Locals became suspicious of the …
WE charity sends Trudeau, Morneau on volunteer trip to Guatemala to self-discover ethics
GUATEMALA CITY – WE Charity is sending Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Finance Minister Bill Morneau on a volunteer trip to help the poor, explore new cultures, and self-discover their et…
Outbreaks at bars, parties tarnish otherwise impeccable reputation of drunk people
KELOWNA, BC – Recent spikes in COVID-19 cases attributed to bars, large parties, and other social gatherings involving the imbibing of massive amounts of alcohol have damaged the distinguis…
Alberta government sets up border checkpoints to screen for fleeing doctors
EDMONTON – Premier Jason Kenney has announced border checkpoints to screen for any physicians trying to leave the province. Police and provincial officials have set up roadblocks at every b…
