Oh, boy. You went and did it. You just ate that slice of cheese that fell on the floor, didn’t you? You might be wondering what you should do next. Well, this is a great time to reflect on yourse…
Having children helps me cope with the fact I will never own a giraffe
By Stan Campull Like many of us, I had a lot of dreams that I was hoping to fulfill in my youth. A well-paying job, a nice home, a pet giraffe. You know, the American dream. But as I got older, I…
String quartet charged after hotel room refurbished
OTTAWA – Following their sold out concert in the Nation’s Capital, notorious chamber music band The Opus Four have be heavily fined for tastefully redecorating their room at the Marriott. A…
Subsidiary business mortified by antics of parent company
CALGARY – Emerging securities company LokTek announced in a press conference that their entire board of executives is completely embarrassed by the recent actions of their parent company, E…
Giant Panda removed from endangered list, added to food chain
BEIJING – After decades of conservation efforts experts in China have announced that the giant panda population has finally returned to a level at which they can now be consumed by humans a…
Sidewalks furious over new walksharing app
TORONTO, ON – Following the release of Strollr, the new walksharing app by the creators of Uber, sidewalks across the city have expressed discontent, claiming that the app undermines their …
Bunny reporter tired of writing fluff pieces
BANFF, AB- Jounalist for the Banff National Park News Hoppy McWhiskers has recently spoken out about what he believes is a pattern of discrimination at the paper. McWhiskers, who joined the pape…
Hard hitting journalist wins ninth consecutive title fight
OTTAWA, ON – For the ninth year in row, featured correspondent for the Ottawa Citizen David Suplin has defended his title has National Journalist Fighting Lightweight champion. Suplin, know…
Self-driving car lead suspect in Hitchbot murder case
PHILADELPHIA, PA- Following the murder of Canadian-made robot Hitchbot, Philadelphia police have released the identity of their main suspect; Google automated car GC-8402. “We think there must ha…
Butterflies detained at border for possession of milkweed
LUBBOCK, TX – The annual migration patterns have been interrupted for a group of 50 monarch butterflies, who were detained at the US-Mexico border for suspected possession of controlled sub…
