WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of accusations that he is singling Canada out with his economic attacks, US President Donald Trump has assured the press that he will also eventually financia…
Experts fear Trump administration will corrupt beacon of integrity Doug Ford
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontario Premier Doug Ford currently visiting White House officials, some analysts are concerned US President Donald Trump might try to corrupt the earnest. “Up here i…
Ford unsure how to fight back against country with already ruined healthcare system
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is reportedly starting to feel he may have bitten off more than he can chew in his attacks on the United States after realizing they are immun…
Local cat thinks she’s better than you and is probably right
KINGSTON, ON – Following a careful side-by-side comparison between your life and that of that one cat in your neighborhood who acts like you aren’t worth the dirt on her paws, a panel of ex…
Record-breaking Prince Edward Island manhunt enters 3rd hour
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – Law enforcement officers have confirmed that an ongoing search for an escaped convict, nearing 3 hours, is slated to be the longest someone has been able to evade the a…
Makers of Funko Pop confirm figures can no longer steal your soul
EVERETT, WA – The manufacturers of the inexplicably popular Funko Pop figures have announced that they have finally fixed the design flaw that allowed the dolls to suck the astral being out…
Report: This children’s entertainer isn’t Australian
MONTREAL – A nationwide survey of children’s entertainers has made a surprising discovery; family-friendly songwriter Rafe Le Rafe is not an Australian. “Yeah, I grew up in the suburbs and …
Trump encouraging NATO members to increase military spending by making the US a viable target
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump has unveiled a key component of his plan to make other member nations of NATO invest more in defense; turning America into a viable intern…
Study: 95% of hero dogs ignored by authorities when barking for help
REGINA, SK – A new study conducted by researchers at The Littlest Hobo Memorial University has uncovered a starling trend; in 95% of cases, most hero dogs’ attempts to get help are ig…
Rogers ends free Wifi on the TTC after learning it betters life for Canadians
TORONTO – Telecom giant Rogers announced that it would be ending the free Wifi available at Toronto Transit Commission stations at the end of the year after finding it had too many unintent…