NEW YORK CITY – In a private meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymr Zelenskyy, US President Donald Trump stated he fully believes the embattled nation can take back all of its territory …
James McAvoy not sure which of his movies he got punched for
TORONTO – While in town for the Toronto International Film Festival, where he was sucker-punched in a nearby bar by a random patron, actor James McAvoy feels certain that it was likely perp…
STUDY: 95% of Millennial birds expect to never own their birdhouses
OTTAWA – A recent survey of birds born in the early 90s shows that three out of four of them expect to never own the birdhouse they live in, and will have to rent from humans forever. “When…
Elder Millennial opens zip file of cherished memories
Brandon, MB – While doing some cleaning around her hard drive, local 39-year-old Hannah Greensly has stumbled upon an old zip file containing all her photos from the aughts and is currently…
Hulk Hogan declared dead after paramedic’s elbow drop fails to restart heart
CLEARWATER, FL – Hulk Hogan, who helped lead professional wrestling’s rise in popularity in the 1980s and beyond, was pronounced dead on Thursday after first responders were unable to…
Trump announces 35% tariffs on Krypton
WASHINGTON, DC – Following a wave of conservative backlash to the recent cinematic reboot of Superman, U.S. president Donald Trump has announced that all imports from Krypton will be subjec…
New Cirque du Soleil show apparently different from the others
SAINT-MICHEL, QC – A recent forensic examination of Cirque du Soleil’s latest show has brought to light shocking allegations: that the troupe’s show is not exactly the same every time…
Environmentalist pretends to be concerned about Alberta separating
VICTORIA, BC – Following Alberta Premier Danielle Smith’s continued threats about separating from the rest of Canada, local climate change scientist Debra Grimmlet is having a hard ti…
Trump sends Carney a congratulatory basket of deported children
OTTAWA – Following Prime Minister Mark Carney’s successful campaign in the recent federal election, US President Donald Trump is sending him a gift basket filled with the only US export tha…
REPORT: Meeting you didn’t pay attention in could’ve been an email you didn’t read
MONTREAL – A new study into your workplace’s efficiency habits has found that all the meetings you zone out in at work could easily have been replaced with an email that you would’ve preten…
