TORONTO – Less than 48 hours before opening ceremonies, the Pan Am games organizers have announced that the 110 and 400 metre hurdle events will be moved from the stadium at York University…
PMO event staff ask cameras to leave journalists at the door
OTTAWA – As part of their continued desire to maintain a journalism free zone around the PM, the PMO has announced this week that while cameras may continue to attend the Prime MinisterR…
Study: U.S. incarcerates higher percentage of population than prison planet 47-D56
WASHINGTON D.C. – A new study by the ACLU has determined that the United States of America imprisons more of its citizens on a per-capita basis than any state in the galaxy, including the r…
Aboriginal tribe using new immigration law to deport all white people
OTTAWA – Following the passage of bill C-24, the Strengthening Canadian Citizenship Act, which gives the government powers to revoke citizenship and deport recent immigrants who have been c…
Canada commits to eleventy percent drop in carbon emissions by year zero-one-infinity
OTTAWA – In a dramatic announcement that will certainly have a huge impact on the economy and environment, Stephen Harper and his government have announced they will enforce policies design…
The Economist magazine ‘mind-numbingly boring,’ says City of Vancouver
VANCOUVER – Responding to criticism from the weekly news magazine The Economist, the City of Vancouver held a press conference Tuesday to publicly decry the magazine’s lack of danger or exc…
Comedian deftly handles heckler’s demand to see boobs by being male
TORONTO – Local stand-up comedian Jeff Brian told reporters today how he swiftly and professionally dealt with a rowdy audience member repeatedly shouting “show us your tits” by being a mal…
Michael Sam becomes latest openly anglophone Montrealer
MONTREAL – A year after becoming the first openly gay football player to be drafted by the NFL, defensive end Michael Sam has become just the latest in a long line of public anglophones inh…
40 minute hold with Rogers ends exactly as man starts to urinate
KITCHENER, ON – Well over half an hour into the hold Jason DeMark was placed on by Canada’s largest cable and wireless provider, his need to go to the bathroom finally overwhelmed him and he bega…
Tough Guy Lobby launches campaign to reclaim tattoos from nation’s hipsters
WINNIPEG – Speaking from a national summit of the Canadian Tough Guy Lobby, spokesman Brick “Brick House” Hammers has announced a nationwide campaign aimed at reclaiming tattoos from Canada…
