TORONTO – Under pressure for keeping thousands of doses of vaccines in storage rather than administer them, Premier Ford reassured Ontarians this morning that these vaccines will be sold to…
Supreme Court rules carbon tax constitutional after invoking ‘We’re All Gonna Fucking Die’ principle
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada held that Justin Trudeau’s imposition of the carbon tax was constitutional as a result of the little known ‘if we don’t do something we’re gonna be real…
Ford unwilling to administer vaccines because he has named each one, grown attached
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attache…
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
TORONTO – York University Professor Emanoil Theodorescu demanded a Myanmar based student produce a note from his country’s dictator before he would grant them a deferral on their midterm ex…
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
True meaning of life safely hidden away in personal anecdote portion of online recipe
Laval, QC – Humanity’s quest to discover the fundamental truth about our existence has been solved, as it turns out to be located in the personal story section of a recipe for homemad…
Toronto residents announce plans to pronounce even fewer letters in word ‘Toronto’
TORONTO – Local residents have announced plans to continue dropping letters from their pronunciation of the name of their city. “In the 50s we made the choice to drop the second T, an…
Hockey Night In Canada names Piers Morgan new host of Coach’s Corner
TORONTO – Hockey Night in Canada announced today that they were bringing back their long-running Coach’s Corner first-intermission segment with Ron MacLean and new ‘Coach’ Piers Morgan. “Pi…
UK: don’t say bad things about our rich mummy
LONDON – The United Kingdom reacted with outrage to jokes about Queen Elizabeth II’s passing by demanding everyone stop saying bad things about their rich mummy. “Rich mummy was…
OPINION: In retrospect Julie Payette was the perfect representative for the Royal Family
By: Martin Day, Royal Observer Earlier this year, when it was revealed that Julie Payette was an abusive boss who treated people terribly, I was one of the loudest voices calling for her to resig…
