TORONTO – Self-dubbed film fanatic Calvin Rows has kept alive his now four-year streak of intending to have gone to the Hot Docs Festival. Rows ensured the streak’s continuation by spending…
Mothers gather for annual Festival of Secretly Ripping on Gifts
PARTS UNKNOWN – Mothers worldwide have covertly gathered together for their annual tradition of secretly mocking the gifts they received for Mother’s Day. The ceremony begins with the light…
Shy man eager to be cajoled into dancing
Sudbury, ON – Local partygoer Andrew Heath, currently appearing to be enjoying a calm and pleasant drink, is in reality counting down the seconds until someone loudly and showily pulls him …
Bandwagon fan proudly brings Jays gear to Raptors game
TORONTO – Local man Joseph Dorn, who regularly and loudly proclaims that he “lives and bleeds Toronto sports” has accidentally worn his Jose Bautista jersey and several other baseball-relat…
New Game of Thrones season rumoured to feature sex scenes
HOLLYWOOD – As its premiere date approaches, rumours are beginning to circulate that the upcoming season of HBO’s Game of Thrones may include scenes of nudity and sexuality. Hints have been…
Van Halen implicated in Panama Papers
PASADENA – As further details emerge from the Panama Papers leak, rock band Van Halen have now been linked to the scandal. In a statement, the International Consortium of Investigative Jour…
Trudeau says he is ‘proud to be a feminist arms dealer’
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reaffirmed his support for feminism, and for making billions of dollars in the sales of military supplies to despotic regimes, in an ho…
Donald Trump starts feud with Donald Trump
NEW YORK – Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump has found himself embroiled in another feud, this time with Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “Who is he? Comes from a fa…
Mountain Dew sales decline as public becomes less extreme
TOP OF A SICK SNOWBOARDING MOUNTAIN – Mountain Dew head office has acknowledged a sharp decline in sales of it’s fizzy garbage water, coinciding with a rapid decrease in radness amongst the…
Devil summons legion of advocates from comment threads
THE SKIES ABOVE EARTH – The devil has emerged from the depths of hell. Raising his goat’s head and speaking in the voice of a dragon earlier this week, he assembled his army of advocates, calling…