WASHINGTON – After extensive examination by the Senate Judiciary Committee, a calendar from 1982 – submitted by Supreme Court hopeful Brett Kavanaugh to disprove allegations that he c…
Trust me, being a city councillor is nothing
By Doug Ford Folks, by now I’m sure you’ve heard that my bill to cut the number of Toronto city councillors in half has passed. And you’ve probably been hearing a lot from said councillors about …
Ford refuses to answer question abouCLAP CLAP CLAP WOO CLAP CLAP YEAH CLAP
QUEENS PARK – At a press conference this afternoon, Ontario Premier Doug continued what many reporters see as a worrying trend when he refused to field a question abouCLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP, WO…
Pride weekend leaves local father struggling to accept that his bank is gay
TORONTO – In the wake of Pride weekend celebrations, Canada’s LGBTQ communities are entering the week with a renewed sense of solidarity and purpose. But the events of the weekend have also left …
I’m gonna get that hand
Editorial by President Donald Trump This is an open letter to my wife, Melania Trump. You’ve left me with no other option, since I don’t know where you are in the house and I think you have me mu…
Please stop offering me the “Pee Tape”
EDITORIAL by Robert Mueller, former FBI Director As special counsel for the Department of Justice, I’m aware that the details of my investigation into the Trump campaign are vague. The ver…
Ryans Gosling and Reynolds accidentally go to each other’s homes after Golden Globes
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After attending Golden Globes in Los Angeles, two Hollywood hunks, Ryans Gosling and Reynolds, inadvertently went home to each other’s houses after the lavish event. The Can…
QUIZ: Jesus, what was that, a deer?
Oh, shit. Holy shit, Jesus. What the hell was that, it shot out right in front of the car. Jesus Christ, look at the hood of the car! What was that, like a deer or something? Take this quiz and f…
Company unveils new ‘smart condom’ even though the smartest condom will always be abstinence
NOTTINGHAM, UK – A British company has released the first images of their long-awaited “smart condom”, a wearable tech device which promises to be second only to the smartest condom of all: sexua…
Hollywood announces all-white remake of that Japanese show where they fall down the stairs
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Less than two days after a Japanese game show where people fall down a greased-up staircase took the internet by storm, Variety has reported that a big-budget Hollywood adap…