PAULO ALTO – On the heels of its revolutionary release of autopilot software for its Model S car, electric vehicle maker Tesla Motors has complemented the innovation with an auto-road-rage mode t…
NDP hires Michael Ignatieff as campaign advisor
OTTAWA – In order to temper their early-campaign momentum and avoid “growing too quickly,” the New Democratic Party of Canada has hired academic and former Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff as the…
Google restructuring allows company to concentrate on exploiting your private data
SAN JOSE – The move to make technology giant Google part of a larger holding company, Alphabet Inc., will allow the company to better focus on running its products as well as on abusing the perso…
Recently uncovered Nostradamus quatrain predicts 7-11
SALON-DE-PROVENCE, FRANCE – An international team of archaeologists has discovered a shocking Nostradamus prophecy that seems to have foretold the events of 7-11, nearly half a millennium b…
New Meta Madison service allows Ashley Madison members to cheat on each other
TORONTO – Avid Life Media Inc., the parent company of adultery-enabling website AshleyMadison.com, has unveiled a new service called Meta Madison which allows users of Ashley Madison to have extr…
Struggling Illuminati closes 89 hidden sanctums around world
UNDER THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT, WASHINGTON, D.C. – After years of slumping influence over world affairs, the secretive power elite known as the Illuminati has closed dozens of mystery chambers, ro…
Ontario schoolchildren: “Our parents aren’t mature enough for us to learn about sex”
TORONTO – Elementary school students across Ontario have begun to protest the province’s updated health and physical education curriculum, expressing concern that their parents aren’t “mentally d…
Police unearth extended metaphor for student debt near York U Campus
TORONTO – An underground emblem for university arrears and the difficulty of paying them off has been discovered near the Rexall Centre at York University. According to authorities, the symbol is…
Food documentary changes local woman’s diet for 92 minutes
VICTORIA – Inspired by the shocking revelations about America’s obesity epidemic exposed on the recently released documentary Fed Up, local woman Jessica Hopkins totally transformed her eating ha…
Sun Media publishes retraction of last 18 years worth of articles
OTTAWA – After mistakenly attributing several politically incorrect comments to Liberal MP Marlo Raynolds, Sun Media has reviewed its archives and found that nearly all of its content from …