TORONTO – The emergence of EQAO test results that show half of grade 6 students failing to meet the provincial math standard has prompted the Ontario government to reveal their plan to rais…
Trudeau sends every Canadian wallet photo of Catherine McKenna
OTTAWA – In a lauded continuation of transparent policy, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has mailed every Canadian citizen living both at home and abroad a wallet-sized print of Environment Ministe…
Government mandates foyer in every building after pressure from lobbyists
OTTAWA – Yielding to demands of lobby groups, the Trudeau government has passed legislation that requires all constructed dwellings in Canada to have a clearly defined waiting area. “It’s 2016,” …
Vancouver sets empty house tax to 10,000 Yuan
VANCOUVER – Shortly after the BC government yielded to Vancouver mayor Gregor Robertson’s call for a vacant home tax, the city agreed on an annual charge of ¥10,000. “Houses are…
Hungover Justin Trudeau shows parliament Bill Nye video
OTTAWA – After an eventful night at the Byward Market that left him with a throbbing headache, former schoolteacher Justin Trudeau opted to take it easy the following morning and just show …
NRA releases statement regretting tomorrow’s shooting
FAIRFAX, VA – The National Rifle Association has issued a press release expressing its ‘sincerest regrets’ for the mass shooting that will, with ‘complete certainty,’ happ…
E3 Update: Sneak booze past customs, save taxes in hotly anticipated Call of Duty Free
LOS ANGELES – Adding to an already impressive lineup that includes “Skylanders Academy” and “Overwatch,” video game giant Activision Publishing, Inc. has announced “Call of Duty Free,” a brand ne…
Vatican City unemployment rate soars to five
VATICAN CITY – The whirlwind of economic hardship battering the eurozone has now reached the Holy See, where officials report that the unemployment rate has skyrocketed to an all-time high of fiv…
Health Canada considers plain packaging for all Tabasco products
OTTAWA – In an effort to reduce the glamour of hot sauce, Canada’s government announced Tuesday that it will hold three months of public consultations before forcing the Tabasco industry to use g…
Novelists warn about drug-resistant strain of writer’s block
TORONTO – After warnings issued by the World Health Organization, Canadian writers are now reporting cases of a strain of writer’s block resistant to alcohol, amphetamines, and other broad-spectr…