WASHINGTON DC – With Joe Biden announcing his plans to drop out of the US presidential race, Donald Trump’s campaign has publicly asked the Democrats to nominate a similarly ineffectu…
Canadians fail to notice difference as global IT outage disrupts airlines, banks, health care
OTTAWA – As a global tech outage disrupts operations in multiple industries, including airlines, banks, and health care, citizens across Canada have reported assuming that the poor service …
Biden assures Democrats COVID diagnosis won’t stop him from losing election
WASHINGTON DC – Following an announcement that he has contracted COVID-19 for a second time, US President Biden has assured worried Democratic lawmakers that this diagnosis will not impede …
Panicked Ford works to resolve LCBO strike before conservative voters sober up
QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of an LCBO strike, Premier Doug Ford has reportedly been working around the clock to secure Ontarian’s access to hard liquor, as keeping conservative …
Supreme Court rules Trump can and probably should shoot someone on 5th Avenue
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 6-3 ruling, the United States Supreme Court ruled that former President Donald Trump not only has full immunity from prosecution for any gun murders he might commit, …
WestJet introduces $25 fee every time Canadians say “WestJet” out loud
CALGARY – With WestJet now charging a $25 fee to book flights over the phone, the airline has also announced they will now charge a similar $25 fee every single time a person in Canada utte…
Man shocked to discover product in parents’ home not manufactured by Kirkland
HALIFAX – While visiting his retired parents, William MacInnis was flabbergasted to discover a single jar of pickles which, unlike every single other product in the house, did not bear the …
Calgarians defy calls to limit water usage by constructing 30km Slip ‘N Slide
CALGARY – In the wake of a catastrophic water main break that has led city officials to urge the public to limit water use, Calgarians have banded together to defy the request by constructi…
Celebratory Edmonton Oilers spray locker room with unrefined bitumen as they advance to Stanley Cup Final
EDMONTON – Following a 2-1 victory over the Dallas Stars, the Edmonton Oilers celebrated their advancement to the 2024 Stanley Cup Final by spraying their entire locker room with hundreds o…
Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life
MANHATTAN, NY – With Donald Trump becoming the first president in United States history to be found guilty of criminal charges, observers note that this felony conviction is also the first …
