LONDON, ON – After US President Biden issued an Executive Order banning gender identity discrimination in sports, local transphobic man James Martin reports becoming worried about women’s s…
Ontario Government claims true meaning of “essential” will only reveal itself to those who believe
QUEEN’S PARK – Asked by journalists what Ontario’s new stay-at-home order categorizes as an essential trip Premier Ford answered, with a twinkle in his eye, “If you’re fair of heart and tru…
Trump says impeachment lawyers quit because winning will be too easy and thus unsatisfying
WASHINGTON D.C. – Former US President Donald Trump has issued a statement regarding the departure of his lead impeachment lawyers, clarifying they only quit because winning his impeachment …
Ford slams epidemiologist for anti-pandemic bias
QUEEN’S PARK – In a victory for public health, Premier Ford issued a statement condemning a member of Ontario’s Science Advisory Table for advocating on behalf of public health. A rec…
Quebec curfew aimed at new vampire strain of COVID that only comes out at night
QUEBEC CITY, QC – Facing criticism of the recent province-wide curfew, Quebec health officials have revealed the precaution is intended to shield the population from a recently discovered v…
Mitch McConnell bites hand that no longer feeds him
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning show of bravery Mitch McConnell has publicly blamed President Trump for the January 6th Capitol riots, effectively biting the hand that’s fed him for the past…
Ford warns paid sick leave would only encourage harmful belief that employees are people
TORONTO – Premiere Ford has clarified that Ontario will not be introducing mandatory paid sick leave as he does not want to reinforce the harmful idea that hourly and frontline workers are …
Trump releases another message to yesterday’s Capitol rioters: “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always”
WASHINGTON, DC – Following yesterday’s attempted coup, U.S. President Donald Trump has released a video message asking his supporters to stand down and adding that “he’ll love them forever,…
Best Breakout Actors of 2020 and who their famous dads are!
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Acting is notoriously difficult to break into, but this year’s up-and-comers used hard work to beat the odds! These rising stars have the charisma, drive, and genetic facial…
