TIMMINS, ON – Self-proclaimed “Jack-of-all-trades” Harvey Koppel has been unemployed for the last 18 months after finding that his broad-ranging skills did not translate to the workforce. K…
Common law couple decides to get married after running out of matching plates
VICTORIA, BC – Despite having lived as a common law couple for the past 10 years, Ahmad Najdi and Claire Liu were compelled to begin the wedding planning process when they noticed that they…
Woman’s involved nighttime skincare routine enters 4th excruciating hour
RED DEER, AB – Well past midnight on Tuesday, Sara Ahmadi braced herself to begin her fourth hour of skincare. “I think I originally adopted this nighttime routine as a means of self-care, …
Local woman trying to break it off gently with LUSH employee
TORONTO – Despite being together for the past 3 years, civil engineer Hannah Stussman has decided to end her customer/sales ambassador relationship with Lush employee Mariam Hadaddi. “It st…
Innovative! This woman cuts out the friends and goes straight for the wine this Galentine’s Day
Moments before her planned Galentine’s Day celebrations, Yara Henoud boldly decided to forgo her annual 18 hour brunch-to-sleepover party in favour of day drinking by herself. “Making plans in ou…
Your girlfriend doesn’t want commitment, she wants you to be Rihanna
MISSISSAUGA – After numerous consultations with groups of women congregating in club bathrooms, irrefutable evidence proves that most women are dissatisfied with how un-Rihanna their partne…
Report: Your friend is brewing kombucha now, so there’s that
LAVAL, QC – Early reports show that just when you thought you had even less to talk about with your friend, she has decided to go all in on home-brewing kombucha. Instead of buying a packag…
Which Pennywise will you fuck this Halloween?
Attending an adult Halloween party serves one goal and one goal only: How can you get laid while only feeling mildly inappropriate for sleeping with an institution from your childhood? If you wer…
Campus newspaper breaks week old news
KINGSTON, ON – After staying up all night, student journalist at The Sovereign Digest Victoria O’Reilly and her team felt confident that they could deliver a breaking news story that surfac…
