NEW YORK – After claiming that the white supremacy problem in America is a “hoax,” Fox News host Tucker Carlson was severely reprimanded by the network with an all-expenses paid vacation to…
Study shows that most fathers simply long to be given the beat, boys
CLEVELAND, OH – After a comprehensive four decade long study, scientists at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s research wing have conclusively determined that most fathers value being given…
QUIZ: Did you grow up watching TVOKids, YTV, or are you a well-adjusted adult that doesn’t use nostalgia as a crutch?
Ahhh Canadian children’s programming! What a concept! A cornerstone of rad 90s kids who grew up glued to the tube after school for hours on end, until their moms got home and yelled at them for l…
Advancement in field of weighted blankets allows covers to choke you slightly, call you daddy
WATERLOO, ON – At a press conference held last Thursday, weighted blanket startup Consensual Crushing announced its new line of adult bedspreads featuring the ability to choke users while e…
Local woman decimates office foe with ‘As per my last email’ knockout
CALGARY – In a tactical move that experts are applauding for its cold-hearted precision, Meeghan Summers obliterated her long-time office rival Irina Kowalski with an “As per my last email”…
Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information
TORONTO – In what appears to be the largest data leak of its kind, popular psychic website ‘tomorrow-truth-today.ca’ has been hacked, leaving millions of users’ tarot card info exposed. “I’…
Addict says she can stop bullet journaling anytime
RICHMOND HILL, ON – This past Monday, frantic university student Hanna Bambas reiterated to a group of concerned peers that she does not have a problem and can stop bullet journaling anytim…
Mirthless sociopath has the gall to ask for notes after missing every class
WATERLOO, ON – Deep in the trenches of Wilfrid Laurier University’s exam period, Jake Ripper, known sociopath, had the audacity to ask around for notes after missing every single class in t…
Heroic purse adorned with hand sanitizer keychain becomes humanity’s final hope against contagious epidemic
EDMONTON – In an alarming new report from the Public Health Agency of Canada, one handbag embellished with several hand sanitizer keychains has become the nation’s only hope against an impe…
QUIZ: Are you a good writer or do you just employ ostentatious adjectives liberally?
Chances are if you possess the literacy skills to read the following questions, you’ve also probably thrown together some letters to forms words in sentences to express your thoughts. Perchance a…