WINDSOR – Bartender Steve Atkins posted a picture of swans swimming in the Venice canals on Facebook yesterday with the caption, “The animals of the world are returning. Humans are the real…
“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” chants self-isolating woman three times into mirror to summon wine delivery
TORONTO – As lockdown-induced boredom sets in across Canada, many people are turning to alcohol to liven up their socially-isolated lives. When faced with long LCBO lines and expensive delivery f…
Health workers agree being called a hero more effective than personal protective equipment
TORONTO – As COVID-19 continues to spread around the world, many hospitals are experiencing severe shortages of personal protective equipment needed to shield health care workers from the virus. …
Economists hate her! This woman makes $500 a week with one simple tool!
$$$ Social assistance EXPOSED! $$$ Recently laid-off woman reveals shocking secret trick your employer doesn’t want you to know! Top-secret government hack UNCOVERED: $8000 in cash for struggling…
Quarantined couple attempt to spice up relationship by putting pants on
TORONTO – Monica Gonzales and Tom Meyer, a couple living in downtown Toronto, had been self-isolating together for over a month when they felt their relationship growing stale. The couple, …
Nation’s hamsters shockingly indifferent to global pandemic
OTTAWA – In a surprising display that no one could have predicted, pet hamsters across Canada have shown an incredible lack of interest in the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite Prime Minister Just…
Nation’s parents lured back inside houses with promise of Jeopardy re-runs
OTTAWA – Reports indicate that many among the older generation have not been adhering to warnings from health officials to self-isolate. As a result, most have resorted to luring their parents ba…
Shower wondering if it’s ever going to see you again
YOUR BATHROOM – In the midst of a nationwide quarantine prompting citizens all over Canada to self-isolate, your shower just wanted to let you know that it was curious if it was ever going to see…
Weinstein threatens to sexually assault courthouse unless ending scene of his trial is re-written
NEW YORK – After being found guilty of rape and sexual assault in a landmark verdict today, disgraced film producer Harvey Weinstein immediately begin attempting to sexually coerce the courthouse…
Brand new TTC vehicle pre-emptively self-combusts to save everyone some time
TORONTO – After hearing stories about the chaos caused by Toronto Transit vehicles meeting their ends in fires, crashes, and nonstop signal problems, a new bus scheduled to begin service in Toron…
