TORONTO – Doug Ford’s campaign has confirmed that actors were hired to play Ford Nation supporters outside the Ontario leaders’ debate Monday evening. It is tradition that parties shameless…
Update: Friend with obscure, indie Spotify playlist secretly leading double life as Aqua groupie
HAMILTON, ON – New evidence has uncovered that your friend whose public Spotify account shows her listening to musical acts like Neutral Milk Hotel and Charles Bradley is in fact secretly …
Facebook’s ‘On This Day’ painful reminder that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad
LONDON, ON – Sources report that your Facebook “memories” have revealed that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad while commenting on a picture of your friend Todd who was holding a jo…
10 steps to contour your face down to a single highlighted cheekbone
Use these ten easy steps to conceal the unsightly and superfluous features of your face! 1. Scrape and shave down your face. A nice rosy complexion will tell you that you should keep scraping, b…
Local Brown man begins job interview by denouncing all bad things ever
Markham, ON – While being interviewed for the position of manager at a Sport Chek, local Brown man Anuj Sanil began his interview by eloquently and systematically denouncing all bad things,…
Tourist arrested for not practicing ancient Incan selfie ritual at Machu Picchu
CUSCO, PERU – A 24-year old Canadian tourist was arrested on Tuesday for failing to practice the ancient Incan tradition of performing a selfie at the Machu Picchu ruins, the most photograp…
Local couple fails to master winter sports for seventh consecutive year
SARNIA, ON – Mike Johansson and Ani Mah have once again failed to master a winter sport despite their ambition and an arsenal of expensive winter sports equipment. “We got some great top of…
Citing political gender barriers, practical girl dreams of becoming MP’s assistant
VANCOUVER – After much debate and an extensive investigation, honour roll student Nina Periwal, 16, has committed to setting her sights on becoming an MP’s assistant. Periwal had long aspir…
Editorial: Have you tried the healing powers of crystals? – by your coworker Julie
BY: YOUR COWORKER JULIE Greetings all, I know many of you made New Year’s Resolutions to get healthy – good for you! Such a brave step. I am proud of you! With so much misinformation about fad di…
Trudeau to have Christmas dinner with family, close friends, corporate lobbyists
OTTAWA — In the spirit of the season, Prime Minister Trudeau will be spending Christmas Day this year with his family, close friends, and corporate lobbyists at 24 Sussex. The Prime Ministe…