BEAMSVILLE, ON – Niagara Regional Police were called on a man accused of advocating for the coercion of women into having children, and preventing access to safe and legal health services. …
Only person not laundering money in casino loses another hand of poker
VANCOUVER – Early reports indicate that the only guy in a casino not laundering money has lost yet another round of Texas Holdem. 36-year-old Jack Hugen’s initial strategy of playing fewer …
Report: Saskatchewan man somehow more upset with neighbour flying Blue Bombers flag than other neighbour flying Nazi flag
KELLIHER, SK – A local man has demanded that someone should tear down and burn his neighbour’s Winnipeg Blue Bombers flag while ignoring his other neighbour’s flagrant display of hate and r…
Singh: “I have never always not not not not not not not supported LNG fracking”
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh claimed that he has always never maybe supported fracking and the BC LNG pipeline. “We have always never not not not not not,” he said, before pausin…
Smiths Falls resident chasing big city dreams in Brockville
BROCKVILLE, ON – A bright-eyed 22-year-old has left his hometown of Smiths Falls to pursue his passions in the mega city of Brockville. Daryll Faber, an aspiring industry labourer has set h…
Protesting seniors carrying 256-page weapons at MPP’s office has Ford government vowing stronger book control laws
BEAMSVILLE, ON – After a tense standoff between Ontario Progressive Conservative MPP Sam Oosterhoff constituency staff and about a dozen seniors heavily armed with books, Premier Doug Ford …
Children’s wish organizations overwhelmed with requests to meet, murder Brad Marchand
BOSTON – Children’s wish charities throughout Canada and the United States have been overwhelmed by requests from kids to meet Boston Bruins player Brad Marchand or have him murdered. With …
Mandatory anti-carbon tax stickers must be placed on the faces of all Ontario residents by today
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s new law requiring everyone in the province to stick an anti-carbon tax decal in the middle of their faces kicks in today. Officials from the Ministry o…
Canadians surprised enough people still watch The Simpsons to get offended about episode
ST. JOHN’S – A recent poll indicated that 97% of Canadians said that they were surprised The Simpsons still had enough viewers to cause a controversy in their country. “I haven’t watched th…
Emergency officials construct fake disaster zone for politicians to disrupt
OTTAWA – Government officials at the federal, provincial, and municipal levels have finished the construction of a fake flooded area to distract political leaders from disrupting real disas…
