CANADA – The country’s architects have admitted they have no idea what they’re doing when it comes to designing any building. “I just make shit up as I go along,” confessed Lennox Elm who s…
PM on Trump’s racist tweets: “Only Quebec is allowed to do that in Canada”
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau criticized President Donald Trump’s racist tweets towards four congresswomen declaring that Canadians would not tolerate such hateful words and action…
Stampede officials place tarp over Stampede
CALGARY – Stampede officials have confirmed they will be placing a giant tarp over the entire Calgary Stampede at the next year’s rodeo to protect people from seeing what is being done to l…
Budget-wise Canadian military purchases cheaper No Name missiles
OTTAWA – Working within a tighter budget for a middle-power, the Department of National Defence says it will be saving money by going with the No Name Brand missiles instead of the more exp…
Children agree not to get abducted after 8 PM so Amber Alert doesn’t wake anyone up
TORONTO – After receiving numerous complaints about Canada’s Amber Alert system that is activated day or night, the nation’s children have agreed to restrict their abduction times between t…
Male stripper’s navy uniform well below Canadian Armed Forces dress standard
MONTREAL – A male stripper posing as a member of the navy was heckled by a bachelorette party for improperly wearing his uniform before it was suggestively removed to the tune of the Villag…
Government: Impoverished First Nations children clearly haven’t seen Canada’s #1 rating in quality of life by US News
OTTAWA – The federal government has responded to a study indicating half of all First Nations on-reserve children live in poverty by pointing out that they just haven’t seen how Canada is r…
ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence
BRISTOL, CT – After the departure of NBA Champion and former Toronto Raptor Kawhi Leonard to the LA Clippers, ESPN has resumed the assumption that Canada is a mythical, non-existent land wh…
Ontario Minister Lisa MacLeod apologizes to Senators owner for outburst after mistaking him for parent of child with autism
OTTAWA – Ontario Minister of Tourism, Culture, and Sport Lisa MacLeod has apologized to Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk for mistaking him for any parent of a child with autism. “I apolo…
Kawhi Leonard issues restraining order on 37 million Canadians
TORONTO – Claiming he is being stalked, NBA Champion Kawhi Leonard has placed a restraining order on the entire country including members of the media, fans, and gawkers. The order requires…
