WHITEHORSE – The people of Yukon refused to turn their clocks back an hour today in clear defiance of the goddess Demeter. This has sparked concern from the priests and priestesses in charge of keeping her vengeance at bay.
“Of course we’ve seen the data on sleep pattern disruption due to the twice yearly springing forward and falling back,” said high priestess Geraldine McDougall from their Whitehorse temple operating out of the former Lizards Nightclub. “We’ve all been late to work that first Monday after a change or shown up early to a sacrifice. We understand, but this is Demeter we’re talking about, and she does not take slights!”
The citizens of Yukon were unfazed by the warnings. Several mentioned that the flocks of ravens blackening the sky were “a little out of season” but easily manageable. The territory did issue a warning that people should not approach any talking mares that enter their homes at night as a precaution against Demeter’s mischief.
But the government also stated that the risks of her divine wrath were worth not having to change the clock in your car twice a year.
Those at the temple, however, are busy making plans to appease the goddess before it’s too late. “I don’t even want to think of the amount of pigs we’re going to have to sacrifice for the Thesmophoria festival this year,” stated a concerned McDougall.
As of press time Demeter’s monstrous brother Poseidon was seen charging up the Yukon River to destroy the SS Klondike.
