HOLLYWOOD – A new report by the Film and Television Safety Institute has confirmed that, every year, 10% of the entrants on the hilarious television show America’s Funniest Home Videos have died due to injuries suffered in the videos featured on the program.
“Unfortunately, despite how undeniably funny the videos are, the human body just cannot withstand that many falls from a tire swing, slips off a skateboard, or wiffle ball bats to the groin from an adorable toddler without sustaining serious injuries,” said Institute head Landry Clark.
“And don’t get me started on the number of heart attacks caused by cats popping out from unexpected places,” added the doctor.
Recent entry David Paulson said he put in his video to pay for medical bills after a crashed golf cart caused him 7 broken ribs, an internal hemorrhage and a traumatic brain injury. He placed fourth.
“I do admit it was pure comedy gold when Tom Bergeron said ‘The Beach is that away boys’ as my cart crashed into the sand trap and I lost consciousness,” said Paulson.
Avery Thomas said she managed to place second after producers edited the video of her elderly mother falling off a stage at a wedding to exclude the footage from her funeral.
Interns at AFHV admit they have been traumatized by their work on the show. “Every week I have to insert ‘Boop’ and ‘Uh-Oh’ noises to cover up the sounds of kids asking their father to wake up, and it haunts me,” said Kyle Stevens.
“If only it wasn’t also so god dam funny,” he added.
At press time the Institute had also confirmed that Just For Laughs Gags had caused a 75% rise in cases of post traumatic stress disorder among the citizens of Quebec.
