KAMLOOPS, BC – A group of bicycle thieves are petitioning the local government to construct more protected routes for those who regularly steal bikes.
The group of small-time criminals say it’s unfair that roads and non-theft-related bike lanes are prioritized over their booming business dealings.
“It’s really a challenge to carry one bike while riding another, and traffic just doesn’t slow down when I weave in-and-out of lanes trying to get a $3,000 bike into gear,” explained a shirtless representative. “Do you know how hard it is to carry around a heavy set of wire-cutters? I need more space when I’m at work.”
The thugs are asking for stripped or buffered lanes throughout the city that zig-zag through intersections, alleys, and suburban backyards for a more direct route to their places of exchange such as a chop shop or a local drug dealer.
“Plus, jacking bikes is a great form of exercise that really encourages young people to get outside,” added the petitioner.
