WINDSOR, ON – Calling it a “rare specimen”, archaeologists announced Friday that they have unearthed what appears to be an Apple iPod, dating it from the geological period of 2005 based on the surrounding items in the sedimentary layers of the junk drawer it which it was buried.
“This is the kind of find that can tell us a lot about the people of this time period,” said Dr. Mae Fabian of the University of Windsor, adding that the archaic headphones and charging cord were found intact, wrapped around the priceless relic. “We were able to use what we found to create a composite image of the owner. A male, white skin, sloped brow with bleached frosted tips in his hair and probably wore a the traditional garment of a popped collar that demonstrated his masculinity to potential mates.”
Fabian and her colleagues were thrilled to successfully reactivate the artifact after so many years, finding new evidence to add to the scientific literature of a distant, long-vanished culture, including newly discovered songs from previously unknown artists that must have died eons ago, including Mario, Bow Wow, and The Pussycat Dolls. The researchers say each of the songs on the iPod were apparently downloaded on a primitive form of communication called Limewire.
Based on what we know of the device, the general academic consensus says that the iPods such as this were a cherished item and was probably some sort of God figure to our early ancestors living back then.
The archeological community says that this iPod is the single greatest find since last year’s discovery of a Motorola Razr in the bottom of a trash bag in the back of a closet.
