TORONTO – After spending years in virtual isolation from the outside world, a team of astrophysicists at the University of Toronto have confirmed the existence of a supermassive black hole at the heart of their social lives.
Members of the research group, led by Dr. David Serednicki, were able to notice the extremely dense celestial object as there was “really nothing else happening” in their event horizons that would distract them from their work.
“The nature of black hole research is such that nothing and no one is able to escape [the laboratory],” said Serednicki. “The attraction of significant others is simply no match for the infinite gravitational field at the singularity.”
The important discovery comes on the anniversary of Ernest Rutherford’s famous gold foil experiment, in which the physicist’s graduate students determined that their love lives were mostly empty.
Serednicki declined to elaborate on the relationship potential of his own team, claiming it to be “in the domain of quantum physics.”
