Hi tech lovers! Dave Barclay here with your guide to all things tech. The Q4 Cyber-Synergy Ceremony is just around the corner, or I should say The Holidays? (Sorry, didn’t mean to exclude anyone there.) And as always, we’ve got lots of ideas on how to fill your family’s E-Clogs they left under the Charging-Tree, or whatever your holiday traditions are.
This year the HOT HOT HOT toy for children 30 years and older is the NES Classic, also known as the Mini NES! But good luck finding it, as it’s currently sold out everywhere! Nintendo released it as a prank, but then released it for real when they found out people really like the fact that it only has games that are several decades old and it’s really easy to drop into household vents.
So if you’re like me, Dave Barclay, you have already missed the Excitebike on this one! But luckily, there are options for us nostalgic nerds trying to recapture that feeling of innocent fun from our forever vanished youth.
1) Mini Telephone
Say goodbye to both your iPhone and your Samsung Galaxy. This tiny, quirky phone has a weird circle with holes that the ancients called a “rotary dial.” After you pick up the tiny “receiver”, you can use a toothpick (sold separately) to turn the dial and call the person you want to talk to. But only if you can remember the correct digit sequence, because this phone has no idea what your friends’ phone numbers are! And if you have to call 911, it should only take you 20 minutes!
2) Mini Tamagotchi
This fun fad is back in an even smaller version of the already very small doodad that we all fell in love with in the 90s. In case you missed it, a Tamagotchi is a living creature that dwells within a keychain-like device that you have to feed and clean up after. It’s all the responsibility of a pet or a child, but with none of the soft fur, body warmth or propagation of your DNA that make animals and children so unappealing. However, the new Mini Tamagotchi is so small, it’s hard to tell what is even happening with your electronic friend, so you can let it die with no guilt whatsoever.
3) Mini Garfield Treasury
Move over, Heathcliff! The original almost funny orange cat from ‘Garfield Life in the Fat Lane’ and ‘Garfield Blots out the Sun’ is back! Jim Davis’ endlessly inventive series of adventures about a fat, lazy cat were released as a series of books back in the 1980s that you had to have If you wanted to be the coolest kid in the schoolyard. Well, now you can be the coolest adult in your place of work with the new Mini Garfield Treasury, where the classic comics now live in a brand new tiny book called ‘Garfield: A Normal Sized Cat.’
4) Mini Devil Sticks
Literally three toothpicks. You won’t be embarrassed that you spent so much time getting good at these mini devil sticks, because it is impossible to do so at this scale. Not unless you are Stuart Little or The Borrowers or something. The best part about them is that you can use them to dial your new Mini Telephone!
5) Mini Pogs
For those of you not in the know, Pogs are circular pieces of cardboard that are easily mistaken for garbage. They were really hip and hot in the early 90s, and we are past due for a Pog resurgence! Luckily we have new Mini Pogs, even smaller cardboard discs that look a lot like the paper circles that were always falling out of your three-hole puncher. The difference is Mini Pogs have a yin-yang symbol or Space Jam characters, or the cast of HBO’s Oz on them, and are therefore highly valuable! Make sure you throw your tiny Slammer down before a gust of wind comes and blows your carefully curated collection of NHL logos away!
6) Polly Pocket Pocket
Clear some space in your Jnco jeans! Polly Pocket (and her very masculine counterpart, Mighty Max) were dolls that lived in houses you could fit in your pocket. Polly Pocket Pocket dolls are dolls that live in a house that fits in the pocket of a doll that lives in a house that fits in your pocket. As such they are invisible to the human eye! Careful not to accidentally breath them in. Get them while you can!
So whatever you decide to get your thirty-something friend with a lot of time to wallow in nostalgia, we hope that Elon Musk (or whatever holiday lord brings you presents) looks fondly upon thee this year!
