AUSTIN, TX – In the wake of polls showing that he may have inadvertently made marginal gains with Canadian female voters, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre immediately flew to the United States to appear as a guest on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast.
While most polls show Mark Carney’s Liberals climbing to 17 point lead, with only 22% of Canadians listing Poilievre as their preferred PM, the opposition leader reportedly “knew only one bro who cold help me with my female problem”.
Political strategists estimate the JRE episode will eradicate any potential issue of Canadian women voting for Poilievre or his Conservative Party, allowing him to focus on his core constituency of unemployed cryptobros dating anime waifu chatbots, anti-vax convoy truckers who recently lost visitation rights, and Ezra Levant.
The podcast episode, releasing soon, reportedly contains over 3 hours of discussions between Poilievre and Rogan with zero women present. Topics include:
- repeated discourse about how smart each other are
- a breathless Rogan listening credulously as Poilievre unpacks a conspiracy theory about how Mark Carney was probably the Zodiac Killer
- Poilievre audibly choking on a mouthful of creatine powder
- Rogan politely declining to sponsor Poilievre’s US Visa application
- Poilievre repeatedly insisting that he is “basically the Canadian Fonzie”
- 30 minutes of both men effusively praising President Trump while attempting not to mention him by name
- a thought-provoking analysis of how female standup comedians just aren’t funny
- Poilievre attempting to inject a critique of the industrial carbon tax into an ad-read for testicle growth supplements
In a related story, thousands of Canadian women were simultaneously rushed to hospital after reporting that every ounce of moisture having left their bodies.
