TORONTO – The decision to ban journalists and photographers from their policy convention this weekend has allowed Doug Ford’s governing PC Party of Ontario to celebrate naturism between friends and colleagues after decades of disappointment and regret.
This “birthday suit mandatory” policy represents a break in tradition, as past policy conventions were covered by national and local press, but none have been invited to attend in 2026.
“It’s a huge day for fiscal conservatism and getting your butthole tanned,” said party President Michael Diamond. “The folks have all felt the oppressive itch of clothes–mostly expensive suits, hard-soled shoes, and floor-length skirts–for too long, and without the prying eyes of the media we’re ready to bust free and let it all dangle in the AC, as God intended.”
Sources expect Premier Doug Ford to attend on Saturday, after a full-day spa and laser hair removal treatment. During this opening session party wonks are set to debate tariff responses in a room outfitted with specially-made conference chairs covered in sanitary paper.
“We’ve seen Doug speak before of course,” said Mrs Sarah Hampton, who had driven down from North Bay with her husband Peter in their Winnebago. “But not like this. I made Pete come early so we could get a spot in the front row.”
In a slight tweak to the media ban, the PCs have offered seats to any journalist willing to also attend nude, but received no offers from any member of the Toronto or Ottawa press corps, save for an enthusiastic Brian Lilley.
