TEL AVIV, ISRAEL – The government of Israel reports that it has intercepted a flotilla of boats, containing among others Greta Thunberg, which was in fact en route for a long-scheduled sleepover party.
“We are very optimistic about this wholly enjoyable sleepover which will not violate any of the Geneva Conventions,” stated Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, assuring reporters that the part was in fact suggested by the famed climate activist. “Among the perfectly benign activities Greta has organized, we will be making s’mores, having a Gal Gadot movie marathon, and reflecting on how Hamas is wholly to blame for the ongoing instability in the Middle East.”
When reporter insisted on speaking to Thunberg in person to confirm she was unharmed, Netanyahu pointed toward a nearby a door where he insisted the young activist was just hiding “due to anxiety, as young people are known to do.” Following this, a large, hairy knuckled hand emerged from behind the door to offer a thumbs up, which Netanyahu insisted was Thunberg’s.
Netanyahu continued, “Who knows how long this wholly mutually-agreed upon sleepover will last. Days? Months? What is certain is that after we all share sleepover secrets, namely the plans and positions of any other protest flotillas which seek to disrupt Israel’s righteous campaign to pulverize Gaza, our good bestie Greta will be free to go back to Greenland, or wherever she is from.”
Netanyahu also added that Tony Blair would be joining the party, “because the money was right”.
When asked about the 300 other activists aboard the intercepted flotilla, Netanyahu insisted they will be allowed to join the party “if they pass the vibe check and survive the waterboarding”.
