NEW YORK – Sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live has announced the addition of its first new Canadian cast member in decades, Veronika Slowikowska, contingent on her not being captured by ICE agents while entering the country.
Slowikowska, originally from Barrie, Ontario, is known for her viral comedy videos on Instagram and TikTok, and will hopefully be able to elude America’s newly-funded armed customs enforcement agents who have spent months deporting random migrants to El Salvador, Sudan, and elsewhere.
“We were thrilled by Veronika’s audition and her hilarious characters,” explained SNL exec producer Lorne Michaels, “and that character work will come in handy when she needs to don a disguise to slip past the random patrols Trump orders into Manhattan to harass immigrants and democrats alike.”
Michaels, who is Canadian, elaborated, “I’m not saying that I hired Ms. Slowikowska in order to sacrifice her to ICE if they come after me, but I will say that only one of us is getting sent to Alligator Alcatraz, and it ain’t this canuck.”
The upcoming 51st season of SNL will add 5 new featured cast members, only one of whom that could be whisked off the street at a moment’s notice by masked paramilitary enforcers into an unmarked SUV.
At press time Slowikowska is maintaining radio silence, and hiring a coyote to smuggle her across the border somewhere outside Sarnia.
