Shoppers Drug Mart, Ontario – A new study from researchers at Harvard Medical has found that people who ignore their emotions and bury them deep within ends up being the best approach for society at large.
“It really is a game-changing discovery,” explained Dr. Theresa Huggins, the head researcher for the study. “It turns out that getting better and working on yourself could actually be more harmful than good. How often we’ve been unknowingly giving out such terrible advice about ‘working through your feelings’ when people just need to suck it up!”
Professionals have already begun incorporating the new findings into their own therapy sessions by asking clients why they think they’re so special, if they have tried not thinking about it, and if they have ever drank whisky. Another technique is to identify any discussion of emotions as ‘trauma-dumping,’ leading younger patients into a cycle of emotional silence, the desired outcome.
Boomer-aged Canadians are applauding the recent discovery, as the medical finding fits very well into their entire mantra regarding raising their own children.
“I couldn’t be more right,” laughed proud boomer Laura McGilvery. “This news has me feeling so…oh, look you almost got me there! Not gonna talk about my feelings, just gonna giv’r. Gosh, I should call my mother and tell her the good news. Oh, wait she’s passed away…well, that’s the way it goes.” Laura then smiled as she threw her coffee mug across the room.
The recent changes to the medical profession are believed to have caused a 1100 percent uptick in yelling at sports teams in public arenas, and a 2500 percent increase in murdering sims characters by drowning them in pools.
