OTTAWA – Television viewers across the country have been wowed by a 30 second curling commercial that contains nearly 2.5 seconds of intense curling action.
“I always thought curling was just an excuse to get plastered,” said 43-year-old Simon Podolski. “But the way that stone nudged that other stone… and it was spinning a little bit? Count me in.”
The ad, which is for an upcoming slam or briar or whatever curling tournaments are called, also contained a brief shot of a broom sweeping the ice, as well as a clip of a man pumping his fist. Onscreen text clarified that, despite looking like a tax accountant, the man in question is a professional curler named Greg somebody.
“Curling is the single most athletic sport on the planet aside from all the real ones,” said veteran curling reporter Kathy Shepherd. “This marketing blitz should entice countless new fans to come watch the raw thrill of four consecutive blank ends.”
“I can’t wait to attend and/or see and/or find out what a bonspiel is,” said a fired-up sports fan. “And there’s a whole line of hogs? I can’t wait to see and/or pet and/or suck them.”
The ad concluded with a crowd shot of fans waving cowbells in a way that definitely didn’t look annoying while the words “COME GET ROCKED” appeared, then exploded in a wave of fire and guitar riffs.
“I don’t think the average Canadian realises just how intense curling is,” said a pro curler whose name we didn’t bother to jot down. “Sometimes the matches get so intense that I have to take a sip of water. And when the skip tells me to weigh the button? Oh, buddy. I will, but I’ll need to sit down afterwards.”
At press time, everyone who might have gotten into curling was distracted by a golf commercial where a ball rolled into a cup twice.
