CALGARY – Calgarians are being asked to ration water while crucial pipeline repairs are conducted, reminding the city’s older residents of the great water rationing effort of three months ago.
“Youngins won’t remember this, but I was around for the last water shortage, if you can believe it,” said 17-year-old Allison Cheng. “That’s right, kids. Short showers, limited toilet flushing, it might be new to you tykes, but it’s old hat to me.”
“My mind’s still sharp enough to remember that infamous June,” said 23-year-old barista David Randolph. “I was a diff’rent man back then. City was diff’rent, too. Folks came together to cooperate in a crisis, not like today’s self-centred, good-for-nothin’ whippersnappers.”
With water usage still above the city’s target, bylaw officers could issue tickets to anyone violating Calgary’s restrictions. Despite the threat of expensive fines, some Calgarians remain unconvinced the current situation is as dire as it was in the city’s distant past.
“My grandpappy didn’t ration water way back in June, and he got through that so-called crisis just fine,” said one anonymous resident. “Look, that’s him over there washing the car he never drives anymore.”
“It’s amazing how quickly history can fade from living memory,” said 11-year-old Ethan Demsky. “I keep telling my little brother I won’t be around forever, but he’s more interested in video games than hearing about the old days. I just wish his generation would take my stories seriously, before it’s too late.”
To emphasise the severity of the crisis, the mayor has been hosting regular updates encouraging Calgarians to band together just like their ancestors did.
“We can draw strength from the words and deeds of those who lived through tough times, like Mayor Jyoti Gondek,” said Mayor Jyoti Gondek. “If she were here today, she would tell you that the sacrifices you are making are not in vain.”
At press time, historians were debating the severity of the June 2024 crisis, with some arguing that the whole event may have never happened and was instead an allegorical myth.
