Jordan Peterson has once again lost his appeal of the College Of Psychologists’ Order that he take mandatory social media training or risk losing his license for making degrading statements. While Peterson insists he wants to keep fighting in the hopes of being forced to pay even more money to the College in court costs, we at the Beaverton have done some investigating and gotten our hands on the syllabus for the courses Peterson will soon have to attend. Check it out below:
Course: @decorum: how to not be such a colossal prick all the time
Objective: This course will provide students (sorry: student) an overview of basic human decency in the digital age, starting with ‘don’t encourage trans people to kill themselves’ and moving on to more complicated questions like ‘is the Prime Minister really a communist dictator, or have you lost the plot?’ By the end of the course student should be able to maintain a civil conversation for nearly 10 minutes without complaining about being cancelled or getting oddly weepy for no reason.
Prerequisites: Be the only member of the College of Psychologists who made fun of a former client on the world’s most popular podcast.
Reading Materials: 1) How Not To Be An Asshole 2) Just Don’t Be An Asshole 3) The No Asshole Rule 4) Paddington And The Christmas Surprise
Lesson 1: If a magazine puts a plus size woman on it’s cover here are things you can do other than tweet about how unattractive she is: ride a bike, eat an ice cream, buy a new multi-coloured suit, go back on that all meat diet that nearly killed you.
Lesson 2: How to avoid deadnaming Trans people. This usually only takes like 5 minutes for most students to get but for you Dr. Peterson we’ve set aside 3 hours.
Lesson 3: Definitions of words like communism, dictatorship and totalitarian. Turns out they don’t just mean “stuff I dislike!”
Lesson 4: Vocal lessons so you don’t sound like a depressed Kermit anymore. Admittedly this has nothing to do with your offensive comments but it would make all of us much happier.
