YOUR CITY – Great news! The city with skyrocketing rent prices, barely functional public transportation, and overcrowded hospitals just opened up a funky new upstairs food court with low lighting where you can grab a chicken parm sandwich for $48. Yup. They also don’t accept cash.
“It’s called ZoneOut Market and you can thank us later,” said John Smith, Director of City Life. “This is going to be a gathering hub for the city. Tourists and locals alike will come here to enjoy a food court meal at Michelin star prices.”
Not only that, but ZoneOut is also going to have very high tables with those really tall chairs that people never want to sit on unless there’s no other option. And there isn’t.
The spacious food hall features a sizable collection of restaurant kiosks serving up everything from soup to personal pizzas to french fries sprinkled with a bit of parmesan cheese that cost 19 dollars. “The food is tasty and the prices are reasonable,” remarks Tony Simpson, the CEO of TSX Venture company with a market cap of 400 million dollars, who works on the top floor of a neighboring skyscraper. “I love the Philly Cheesesteak Bao Bun from BaoMerica,” continued Mr. Simpson, a self-described fusion-food connoisseur.
“We want to make good food accessible to everyone,” explains Mr. Smith. “As long as everyone has a 3 figure lunch budget and enjoys having a live DJ play while they eat.” He continued. “We’re in the process of installing a state-of-the-art 400 speaker sound system that will be so loud you won’t be able to hold a conversation with any of the strangers you’re forced to sit across from.”
The food court also has a designated bar area where adult diners can forget about the city’s crumbling infrastructure and collapsing social services with a 32 dollar cocktail. “I love that they built this instead of making it easier to find a family doctor,” said Chelsea Lee, as she waited for her electric buzzer thingy to signal that her kimchi-bacon bison burger was ready.
