DAWSON CITY, YK – Local woman Tess Coleman has reportedly exclaimed “hey, that actor was in Harry Potter” every five seconds, while watching a British TV show.
“Here I am, watching the Servant on Apple TV,” began 35 year old Coleman, from her couch, “When suddenly I’m like, holy shit! That’s RON!!! FUCKEN MATE!!! THAT’S RON!!!!!!!”
According to Coleman’s husband, it’s impossible to get through any British show or movie without her pointing out all the actors from Harry Potter every time they’re on screen.
“I’ve missed out on so many popular shows,” lamented Francis Coleman, husband of Tess. “Mcgonagall in Downton Abbey, Petunia in Killing Eve, and every year we have to avoid all the Love Actually reruns because Tess can’t get over the fact that Snape and Trelawney are married.”
Coleman then went on to explain how he had gone so far as to boycott every British show ever but then Tess nearly exploded when she saw Dean Thomas affect an American accent in How To Get Away With Murder, so he’s given up.
“Like, I know the Queen isn’t Professor Umbridge,” added Tess Coleman, “and I KNOW that’s not really Bellatrix pretending to be Princess Margaret but fuck, can you blame me? Everytime they’re on screen I yell NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH.”
In a report released by the Canadian National Television Society, this phenomenon is due in part to the only content, outside North America, that Canadians were exposed to during their formative years, was Harry Potter, Art Attack, and Pingu.
“And that’s why all British people (and penguins) look and sound the same to me.”
In a recent Facebook post, Tess exclaimed that they tried watching The Last of Us but had to stop because Francis kept pointing out every 5 seconds hey, it’s Oberyn – the guy who gets his eyes squished in on Game of Thrones – and isn’t that Lyanna Mormont?!?!
