GOTHENBURG, SWEDEN ― Innovative young architect Matteus Persson recently unveiled the first public washroom door that can be pushed from the inside rather than pulled. Now open in a local restaurant, Taste of Gothenburg, it quickly generated worldwide controversy, with some hailing it as a significant step forward and others deriding it as an unforgivable affront to tradition.
“Immediately dirtying your freshly washed hands on a door handle that’s been gripped by thousands of disgusting people who don’t wash after defecating, then using those hands to eat your hamburger, is an integral part of the restaurant experience,” explained enraged veteran architect Gerald Lock.
“That’s why I ensure the only space for a garbage bin is far enough away that you’re forced to throw your paper towel out before you can use it to open the door. To think that I’ve put so much thought into minor details like that for years, only to have some young punk design a bathroom door people can just shove open with their shoulder… it’s downright sacrilegious.”
Customers are likewise split. “I’ve never seen anything like this before in my 34 years of life, and never thought I would,” enthused Denise Perry, an engineer from Vancouver. “Now that I have a selfie exiting a public restroom with hands as clean as when I entered, I’ll go to my grave a happy woman.”
Daniel Bennet, a 27-year-old New York choreographer, was less keen. “It’s less satisfying taking a piss now. I still prefer not having pressure on my bladder, but wringing out my dick just isn’t the same when I don’t get to subsequently rub my urine in a place the next guy can’t avoid touching.”
Persson believes his design is to the greater good but added, “ I recognize that not everyone agrees. I fell out with a long-time microbiologist friend over this. He insists I’ve destroyed the most fertile known breeding ground for fascinating new strains of bacteria. For this I sincerely apologize, but come on, those inward opening doors should gross any respectable human being out.”
While it remains to be seen whether the idea will catch on elsewhere, Taste of Gothenburg plans to continue promoting basic hygiene by posting “Please wash your hands” signs beside their empty soap dispensers and automatic sinks that do not turn on.
