VANCOUVER – Representatives for the female Sister Puppet from the popular 1992 Concerned Children’s Advertisers PSA “Don’t you put it in your mouth” have confirmed that the puppet has checked into rehab, after a decades-long spiral that saw her putting many things in her mouth.
“It was two years after the commercial came out when I met Ed the Sock. He was the first thing I shouldn’t have put in my mouth,” said Sister Puppet, sniffling. “We said to ask someone you love before you put it in your mouth. And I loved him. He said it was okay.”
The puppet, whose popular PSA was funded by McDonald’s fast food restaurant, says that she regrets not taking her own advice over the past thirty years.
“Before long, Ed had me putting everything in my mouth. Pills. Booze. The end of a pipe. By the end I was getting ick, real sick. I was waking up next to a talking pineapple in the Téléfrançais! junkyard with no memory of how I got there,” said the puppet, staring off into the distance with the same glassy-eyed stare she had in her famous commercial. “I met Finnegan from Mr. Dressup at a CBC afterparty in 1999, and things were good for a while. I got clean. But then I went right back to putting things in my mouth again and Finnegan left with the kids.”
Sister Puppet’s agent requested privacy for the furry blue starlet, stating that she was taking time to focus on herself and get the help she needed.
“It’s our hope that, with time, Sister puppet will be back to only putting things in her mouth that are okay to eat, like a muffin or a beet,” he said.
Brother Puppet could not be reached for comment, as he was found dead alongside Wimzie of the popular show Wimzie’s House in 2002, in what is now believed to be a murder-suicide.
