LOS ANGELES – Chemist/Toy Inventor George Earnshaw, the inventor of the children’s toy Slime, has been sentenced to 34 consecutive life sentences for ruining countless lives and rugs around the world.
Earnshaw was working as a toy developer for Mattel in the mid 1970s when he accidentally spilled some white glue and Borax into his shaving cream, and immediately thought, “This is a great way to destroy the homes of families.”
“This man, Earnshaw, has set in motion the worst destruction of household personal property that I’ve ever seen,” said prosecution lawyer Anna Freen. “Hundreds of thousands of carpets, ceilings, couches, pets, clothes, antiques, tapestries and legal documents have been eradicated by slime and that is why this man deserves the worst punishment allowable by law.”
Mattel marketed slime for decades as a fun toy to torment your parents with, and the substance’s reach was furthered in the 1990s and 2000s with its prominence on the depraved television channel Nickelodeon. Recently, a cabal of disturbed individuals have promoted the idea of making slime at home through youtube and tiktok.
“Slime is so fun,” said Youtuber Karina Garcia, the ‘slime queen of the internet.’ “Fun for me to imagine kids getting this stuff stuck in their hair and getting yelled at by their moms and dads, who have busy lives and don’t need this shit. HAHAHA! I am a mean lady.”
Prosecutors cited over 1.5 million parents who are victims of slime. The lawsuit is the largest of its kind since Ole Kirk Christainsen, the inventor of Lego, was thrown into Danish jail in 1957 on the advice of state podiatrists.
Earnshaw is expected to serve his time in a special maximum security prison, along with the inventor of Kinetic Sand and the woman who does the voice for all Vtech toys.
