SAN MATEO, CA – Following reports that its newly-released Cyberpunk 2077 game has been riddled with release problems and frustrating glitches, Sony has pulled the game from its online store in order to quickly rebrand the game as being set in the year 2020.
“While we initially worried about offering refunds, we here at Sony feel a game riddled with bugs and poor performance was perfectly appropriate for the year 2020,” explained Sony Interactive spokesperson Karen Fukiyama. “Now that Cyberpunk has been retconned as taking place during the current year, the sluggish framerates and disappointing visuals all make perfect sense.”
The malfunctioning game, initially set in the futuristic dystopia of 2077, proved surprisingly easy for developers CD Projekt Red to re-contextualize in the year 2020. “It all just kinda fit,” described program lead Christian Werks. “The bugs in the game create an overall sense of frustration and despair – perfect for getting the player in a 2020 headspace.”
“Plus, the original Cyberpunk setting has everyone talking into screens all the time, dressing in weird clothes, and a bunch of casual ableism and transphobia – that all sounds like our current garbage year of 2020 to me,” exclaimed Werks proudly.
CD Project Red admits that, while they were able to avoid creating a massive and costly patch that would actually fix the game, changing the setting to the year 2020 still required some small changes.
“Back when the game took place in 2077 we had a lot of people walking around wearing masks, you know, because of all the future pollution,” explained Werks. “But when we changed the game to 2020, we realized we had to take away some of the citizens wearing masks, just to keep the game realistic.”
While the rebranding of the Cyberpunk game to 2020 has allowed CD Projekt Red to avoid the difficult task of actually fixing the game, the entertainment giant has assured consumers developers were still forced to work extra unpaid crunch hours in accordance with standard policy.
In response, video game customers have vowed to continue pre-ordering unfinished games, in accordance with standard policy.
