TORONTO – An opportunistic thief has been let down by his latest score after lifting the unattended UPS delivery from a hospital porch.
“What the hell am I going to do with this?” said Tad Adams, a local thief looking at the supercooled Pfizer vaccines once destined to be injected into vulnerable patients and health care workers. “This is bullshit – there’s not even a gift card or moon globe in here. This is worse than the Ugg Boots I got.”
Hospital staff claimed they gave specific instructions to the delivery company that their doorbell wasn’t working and they would have to knock loud enough to be heard.
“The least they could have done was try to hide the delivery behind the shrubs,” complained the hospital’s pharmacist.
At press time, a package containing a camera that would help catch future thieves was also stolen.
