VANCOUVER – In a stark display of feline frigidity, local cat owner Carly Munroe awoke Thursday morning to find a gift card for a dead mouse inside her slippers left by her cat, Mittens.
Early reports indicate that the 4-year-old shorthair returned to the apartment that the two share the night before with the redeemable token in her mouth. The 10-dollar gift card, the lowest denomination offered by La Mouseria, can be spent at any of the three lower mainland locations.
“I’m not offended. She’s just been so slammed lately because our neighbors installed a new bird feeder. So that’s taking up a lot of her time. I mean if she really didn’t care, she wouldn’t have gotten me anything at all, right?” Munroe rationalized while tightly clutching the custom-monogrammed leather collar she recently had made for Mittens.
‘Plus, with a gift card I can choose what kind of dead mouse I want. So in a way it’s actually really thoughtful,” added Munroe, who earlier that day had driven to four pet stores in search of a sufficiently squeaky rubber owl.
When reached for comment on her apparently growing detachment, Mittens was tight lipped, arching her back and darting behind the dresser.
This is only the latest instance of Mitten’s growing disregard for her owner. The month prior, Munroe awoke to find that the black pantsuit she had laid out the night before an important meeting was unmolested and entirely free of cat hair.
At press time, Mittens has seemingly extended an olive branch to her owner after crawling onto Munroe’s lap completely unbeckoned to blast hot cat vomit all over her leggings.
