NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her three pugs.
“At first, I was suspicious,” Ruth explained when reached for comment on a walk with her dogs near Resting Valley Retirement Community, where 12 of her neighbours have died from COVID complications. “But now I understand how important it is to wear a mask and protect our most vulnerable furry companions.”
Ruth went on to explain that initially she had trouble trusting the word of her “ethnic doctor” over “some pretty compelling Facebook memes.” But when word got out that dogs in the area were testing positive for COVID-19, she immediately started researching how best to protect her pack from infection.
“The scary part is, we just don’t understand the long-term health implications,” Ruth continued. “This isn’t just your average kennel cough. I mean, Uncle Roy had it in April and he’s still wheezy and dizzy all the time. What if it gives Mr. Buttons chronic diarrhea?”
After posting on Facebook about living with three immunocompromised “furbabies,” Aunt Ruth has vowed to take extra precautions in public. She has reportedly added two layers of cotton fabric to her mesh “freedom mask” purchased on Etsy, and she thoroughly checks every store for the presence of dogs before removing the mask to yell at cashiers for “serving the deep state agenda.”
Cousin Stephanie, Ruth’s youngest daughter, is reportedly relieved that her mom is finally wearing a mask – though she’s disappointed that it took her so long to understand.
“No matter how high the human casualties got, she’d shrug it off,” Stephanie, a frontline grocery stocker, explained. “Then one dog gets it and all of a sudden she’s scrubbing her hands and sourcing N95s on AliExpress? It’s crazy. This is why my wife and I are cat people.”
At press time, Aunt Ruth’s husband, Uncle Harold, is reportedly backing out of Saturday’s anti-mask rally after hearing Auston Matthews caught the virus in July.
