Headless Mitch McConnell says there’s nothing wrong with his health - The Beaverton

Headless Mitch McConnell says there’s nothing wrong with his health

WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader says there are no concerns about his .

“Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cavity. “The American people can anticipate that I will continue serving the same way as I always do. These strange bruises and bandages on my hands are of no concern.”

Reporters avoided questioning the Senator’s other evident injuries including a javelin sticking out of his back.

The Kentucky representative is running for his seventh term and is widely expected to win along with other long-time Congressmen including an urn containing ashes of a former representative running in Texas.