WINNIPEG, MB – In a stunning display of patriotism, Winnipeg resident and proud Canadian Kyle Henderson has shuttered the blinds, locked the door, and typed ‘pornhub.ca’ into his incognito browser.
“It’s important to me that my love of country reverberates through everything I do,” said Henderson when asked why he opted for the Canadian suffix of the popular pornographic site. “And I mean everything.”
“Every part of me is about to stand on guard for thee,” he added, double-checking that his bluetooth was turned off and his headphones were plugged in.
While Henderson remains committed to his search choice, Pornhub was quick to clarify that, while they appreciate the enthusiasm, the modified search is ultimately unnecessary.
“We’re actually a Canadian company,” said spokesperson Peter McVie, “so regardless if you use .com or .ca, you’ll be directed to that good ol’ Canadian smut you’ve grown to love. Now if you’re looking for something to do with leprechauns or weird German stuff, we definitely recommend using .eu”
Regardless, Henderson remains committed to paying homage to his proud Canadian heritage whenever he can, adding that his favourite search terms include “Debbie Does Dartmouth”, “Sexy Doctor Doesn’t Ask For Insurance Information”, and simply “Bonhomme.”
“If you ask me, this whole thing has gotten out of hand,” reported roommate Dan Feeney. “He’s started imposing mandatory Can-Con regulations on his ‘mood playlist.’ I’m not even sure there’s ever a good time for April Wine, but surely this isn’t it.”
At press time Henderson had unbuttoned just enough buttons on his plaid onesie with a moose on the butt, queued up a video set in the remote wilderness, and began pleasuring himself to an establishing shot of the Rockies.
