AMERICAN WILD WEST – Award-winning composer of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Ennio Morricone was found dead last night during a Mexican Standoff in a Civil War Graveyard.
Prior to his passing, Morricone had been in a contentious staredown with two musicians over a pile of gold buried under one of the graves, but as minutes stretched into hours it became clear none of them were going to budge.
“You could tell he wasn’t going to back down,” reported Randy Newman, composer of the Toy Story Soundtrack and a man fighting over a pile of gold. “I walk away – Bam! Bam! Bam! – that’s a dead Randy.”
Mr. Newman had been staring down Ennio for the past 54 years, salivating over the gold bullion, when he noticed the composer hadn’t moved for a long long time. When Mr. Newman finally crossed the graveyard to check on his rival, he realized Morricone had passed away several weeks ago and was being propped up by a gravestone and years of good posture.
“It’s a tremendous loss to the world of music,” remarked John Williams, the third composer in the standoff. Mr. Williams had similarly not noticed Ennio’s passing as he had been spending his time humming the Jaws Theme while pretending to be a land shark.
Morricone is survived by his four children, decades of iconic musical scores, and his loving wife Maria. At press time, John Williams could be heard making lightsaber sounds with his mouth while Randy Newman whistled his way into the sunset with two-hundred thousand dollars of confederate gold strapped to his back.
