Hamilton, ON – Twenty-six year old Julian Tormeida was recently spotted on an endorphin fueled rush as he finally cried in front of his childhood friends due to the assistance of cleverly purchased ghost pepper. Despite knowing the gathering of men in his presence for well over a decade, it was the first time any of them witnessed their longtime companion shed any tears.
“We saw a bunch of YouTubers do the ghost pepper challenge where they eat this really spicy pepper to prove how manly they are,” stated Tormeida’s friend, Deshaun Tucker in explanation of the event. “Next thing you know Julian is just bawling his eyes out. None of us really knew what to do so everyone just took turns offering him a beer and asking ‘ya good?’”
While his tears may have been initiated by the capsaicin fueled sensitivity of the human tongue, many close to Tormeida suggest that although the crying began as a reaction it quickly snowballed into a cathartic release. Factors such as his recent breakup, financial stress, and the overall tension of the socio-political landscape are believed to have turned his misty-eyed snack into an emotional release.
“Society has deemed that crying is a sign of weakness,” explained sociologist Leslie Orto. “Therefore, much like the hermit crab who makes a home out of beachside litter, many men have had to find creative methods to fulfill their biological needs, lest they be deemed ‘fucking soft.’”
While recovering from the consumed ghost pepper, it’s rumoured that Julian proposed that he and his friends spend next weekend watching A Walk to Remember, but only “as like a joke.” Later reports would reveal that he showed up to the movie night with a pocket full of ghost peppers ready to go.
