HAMILTON – As COVID-19 self-isolation has taken a huge psychological toll on much of the population, local introvert Sangeeta Varma is reportedly kind of okay to be honest.
Thanks to social distancing, Varma hasn’t had a real conversation in 43 days, not counting the 11 days before that where she just didn’t feel like it.
“I lost my job and I’m not sure how I’ll pay rent next month, but I don’t have to be nice to customers anymore, so I think it’s net-positive,” said Varma (over email).
Varma, who lives alone, credits Animal Crossing and her vibrator with fully replacing her need for human interaction, though she admits it can be draining having to share a one-bedroom apartment with her reflection.
“It turns out online hangouts are actually easier to cancel at the last minute,” said Varma, lying braless on a pile of laundry, eating Nutella from the jar with a fork. “I feel like not having kids was a pretty good call.”
Despite these silver linings, Varma has struggled with moments of depression, like when she realized the Drag Race Finale might be delayed, and also everyone getting sick and stuff.
When asked if she hopes social distancing restrictions are lifted soon, Varma was ambivalent: “I guess it would be nice to feel the sun on my face again, but I don’t know if I can still do eye contact.” She plans to celebrate public spaces reopening with a chill night in.
In related news; extrovert dead.
