HOUSTON – For the first time ever, astronauts aboard the International Space Station have declined to return to Earth, saying: “Nah, we’re good. Maybe later.”
The message was relayed shortly after a Soyuz capsule had docked, bringing three new crewmembers and ready to bring back three veterans from the ISS. A confused mission control asked for clarification and received a variety of answers.
“I’m growing some zucchini in the Destiny Lab,” responded Commander Oleg Skripochka of Roscosmos. “I really want to see how that turns out. Catch me in a couple of months.”
“Yeah, and I have an ant farm,” added NASA Flight Engineer Jessica Meir. “Those little guys suffer from abandonment issues. I can’t leave them now.”
There was concern that the astronauts and cosmonauts decided to stay on the ISS due to current conditions on Earth, but they assured mission control they weren’t reacting to any specific worldwide catastrophe, they just really love being in orbit.
“It’s nothing against the Earth,” said astronaut Andrew Morgan. “I’m sure everything’s going great down there. I see air pollution fading all over the place, so you guys must be doing something right.”
The arriving crew were excited to get on board and settle in. There was immediately a group discussion about constructing a new “family” module within the next month for “when the kids get visas to fly to Kazakstan.”
As the transmission from the ISS ended, technicians at mission control reported hearing the crew voting to bring inside a leathery, egg-like object they had just seen floating by.
