OTTAWA – Sitting in a darkened room, his fingers steepled in contemplation above a chess board, the newly-resigned Conservative leader awaited the consequences of the first intelligent political maneuver he has ever attempted.
“Yes, yes, the pieces are all falling into place,” whispered the embattled party leader, who had just announced his resignation. “Soon my approval will be higher than I ever could have possibly imagined!”
His staff, patiently waiting in another room, were unable to contain themselves over what one comms official called Scheer’s “master stroke.”
“Little do they know that declining to say gay marriage isn’t a sin, lying about being an insurance broker, and hesitating about removing a racist Senator from caucus were just the first pieces of my little scheme,” continued Scheer, with a light chuckle.
Conservative Party insiders are calling it a breakthrough that could revolutionize the party’s campaigning and election infrastructure.
“Andrew Scheer has just completely changed Conservative politics,” says Dan Laviolette of Ipsos-Reid. “These new tactics such as reading the news, listening to what people have to say, and being concerned about everybody hating you have the potential to advance the party into the mainstream in places such as Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver, and other regions the party has had trouble penetrating.
These ridings, designated by public opinion experts as ‘where most people live’, are already showing increased positive polling numbers for the former Conservative leader. The question will be, can they ride those numbers to success?
Declining a glass of milk, so as to remain ‘in the zone’, the leader was confident that with enough resignations, he could soon recuperate his reputation into a Conservative scion.
“The plan is already working perfectly,” Scheer quietly stated, taking a pawn with a rook. “Stephen [Harper] himself would be proud. Look what he accomplished with the Mike Duffy affair, and what his resignation did for him. But now I have surpassed him.”
He added, with satisfaction: “the student has become the master.”
