An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold.
July 10th, 1974
OTTAWA – The football that foiled any chance of Progressive Conservative leader Robert Stanfield becoming Prime Minister has been rewarded with an appointment to the Senate.
Pierre Trudeau made the announcement a day after winning a convincing majority government, in large part owing to a leather-bound ball’s ability to avoid the grasp of the Opposition leader that one time it was thrown to him.
“The pigskin played an instrumental role in the Liberal electoral victory,” Trudeau said of his newest patronage appointment. “This Spalding football worked hard throughout its life, and answered the call when we needed it most. I couldn’t ask any more of a supporter.”
The football’s ability to demonstrate Stanfield’s momentary clumsiness and emasculation struck a chord with voters.
Any of the PC leader’s convincing arguments about job creation or controlling inflation went out the window once he illustrated his unfitness as a wide receiver, and therefore a prime minister.
According to sources, the football is the most qualified and vocal senator to ever be appointed in Canadian history.
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